It’s official.   In an attempt to take over the internet, MTJAG has decided to follow Gary Kirsten’s  now infamous dossier , and taken matters into their own “hands”.   Joining for this noble cause are the bright folks at  Stani Army , an excellent blog  on all things Cricket, Pakistani Cricket, and brotherly love. Follow them if you aren’t already, their views are quite insightful and addictive, bordering on soft porn.

Other than stroking each others egos, what the idea was to do was a Q & A exchange, where we post questions on the very dangerous Pak team and get their viewpoints , and they do just the same with respect to Team BCCI.    The idea was to put both the segments up before the India vs Pak match, but thanks to the immense tension and trauma preceeding and “SUCKceeding” the game itself, and Sujith injuring his hand in a “mysterious” accident,  it got delayed. However, the questions are generic enough to cherish for all seasons. Here they are. You can check our answers to Stani Army’s questions here .


In case you’re wondering, that’s not the number of ladies that Shane Warne got laid with in the last few months, but Imran Nazir’s scores in his last 8 innings. Combine this with yet another fizzled out 20 against India in this current game.  What’s the deal with him, and why the love? Isn’t there anyone else around? Perhaps you can pad up…

I thought that was Warne’s weight fluctuations in stones…although the last one must be a mistake. I know what you mean. I doubt Nazir would make it into any of the other established teams with those scores but that’s just us, we’re crazy. This same craziness sticks a 17 year old in a t20 world cup. I’d be happy if Nazir got 20 every innings because I know he’d have faced half the balls and the guy at the other end would have contributed to a first wicket score of 35. This for us is a good start! Then there’s the chance that he may stay in for a while and then the game will truly be over for the opposition.

2. Younis Khan has been a much admired player and captain, both within and outside of Pakistan, leading them to a memorable victory in the T20 world cup. But how does life look after him? Malik stepped down from captaincy. Mohammed Yousuf with his episodes has done enough to rub PCB the wrong way. Should we prepare for Afridi at the helm? Does that mean he’s going to be a regular in all forms?

Interesting question. I think Younis will soon retire from ODIs too leaving Afridi in charge of both short forms. As for Test matches, I suspect that when Younis eventually goes so will Yousuf. I think Shoaib Malik will then be given the captaincy again as I have always thought they would return to him. Should Afridi play in the longer form, they may consider him too which will lead to 3 day Test wins and losses. But of course, we cannot account for the fact that someone may burst onto the scene from nowhere and take up the reins. I heard Salim Malik still harbours hopes of a return.

3. What’s up with Rana Naved’s hair-tales? Methink’s he’s spending a little too much time with Harsha Bhogle in the off-season. Doesn’t he know that only the Indian cricketers have the license to get laid ?

Rana has discovered a new lease of life. Where as in the past, the case used to be hair one day and gone tomorrow (see what I did there?) today we have hair transplants! ( I think he’s trying to bring sexy back but MS Dhoni may not take too kindly to this.

4. With all due respects to Ajmal, Pak still needs the tear-away fast bowler to scare the boogers out the opposition. Out with the truth, who are you guys hiding right now – the next one to break the speed of light?

It’s me, but I have to be a world changing scientist first and only then I can take up cricket – mum and dad say so. To be honest, the versatility of our attack means we don’t really need a toe crusher. Fear not though, I think Aamer will get there as he’s still just 17. I’m certain that some couple somewhere in Pakistan are consummating a fast bowler as we speak. If not, I’ll get onto it as soon as possible. I rate Ajmal as highly as Murali. I think he’s got the best doosra in cricket…or football?, anyway, and it’s legal!

5. On a related note, what’s the general junta’s opinion of Akhtar? He can be destructive (the one ingredient the pak bowling seems to be lacking-for now) or self-destruct (which is lacking too 🙂 ) .

We would like to make an official donation of Shoaib Akhtar to you guys. Take him, I said take him! Cricket, films, sexually transmitted disease spreader, use him how you wish.

6. Who’s the one player from the Indian team that you’d love to have in the  Pak side?

This is easy, it would have to be Viru…..closely followed by Sree Santh, of course. Seriously, it would be Viru or Rohit.

7. How old is Shahid Afridi, really?  Come on now, don’t refer us to
Cricinfo or PCB records.

Shaid Afridi is not born yet. Actually, his age is an official government secret. I suppose does anyone know how old they are? Really? People ask me my date of birth and my reply is the date followed by ‘apparently’. They ask me why ‘apparently’ and I tell them I was too young to know for sure.

8. Yuvraj has a fractured finger. Viru a shoulder, Gambhir the groin. Now Younis has a fractured finger.  Is it just a coincidence, or are the sub-contintental player’s techniques a little suspect against speed?

Ghambir The Groin, what a name. The coincidence is Gary Kirsten’s dossier and then these injuries.

Actually, you make a really good link but I doubt many of the injuries were the direct result of fast bowling. The problem has more to do with our Asian sub-continent care free attitude to fitness, both obtaining and keeping it.


That’s about it.  We look forward to your answers to these questions at the comments section.  Visit  Stani Army for your dose of  cricket and strange genital wart growths.

Look for more such stuff coming your way!